And Now Our Rent-Free Revels Are Ended: From Squatting to Apartment Living
"As if you were dismayed. Be cheerful, sir.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air."
- Prospero, The Tempest (Act IV, Scene I)
+ + +
A young man with a thick Midwestern accent is smoking pot, crack, and who knows what other things, in the Crack Shack behind my squat at Carlito's Cafe. He is speaking loudly, via speakerphone, with his girlfriend who is somewhere cold and complaining, no shit, about how the tractor is broke and Old Man Rogers (again, no shit, she actually called her neighbor that) needs help and her daddy is just working himself to death.
[[The first and last bit of art on the walls of Carlito's Cafe during my stay there.]]
I wonder if this wholesome young white guys (I peeked, there is a hole at the top of my wall adjacent to the Crack Shack where an AC unit used to live) paramour knows he is in a back alley in Mexico smoking crack next to a strip club. Cell phones are a marvelous invention, right? You can be anywhere in the world, doing anything at all, like, say, smoking crack in a back alley in Mexico, and still be able to touch base with your sweet girl back home before you wander wild-eyed and full of pep back into the strip club. It might as well be a miracle from the lord.
These are the things that distracted me from packing up and moving on my final day living in Carlito's Cafe. That, the heat, and the fact that I know I will lose my parking space once I take some stuff to the new place.
I will be forever grateful to the owners of Vampiz for letting the strange American writer they hired as a DJ to squat rent-free in the remains of Carlito's Cafe. My first home such as it was in Mexico. Ms. Tessa and I had spent our first few nights south of the border at the Hotel San Jose, and despite their low prices my meager savings were drying up far too quickly. We needed something cheaper, more permanent, and obviously cat-friendly.
That last one proved to be a deal breaker for a number of potential places of lodging. To me however Tessa was non-negotiable. An instant deal breaker as I had not driven more than two thousand miles, paid several hundred dollars more than expected for her health certificates, and spent the last few years of my life with her as my constant companion to simply abandon her on the streets of a foreign country.
Thankfully Carlito's Cafe was not exactly what you would call plush accommodations, so the owners didn't give a shit about my tiny, clean cat.
I have several fond memories of that place, though sleeping was not one of them. My bed consisted of a deflated air mattress, all the blankets I brought with me,and the cold, unforgiving cement just below. While I wasn't paying anything in rent per say, I was working 7 days a week at the club for awhile, I was paying a lot more for pain medication than I would be under normal circumstances. I knew that part was only going to get worse the longer I stayed.
[[Ah, home sweet squat.]]
The lack of shower was also a factor. Bathing in the sink at Carlito's or showing up early for work to use the 'bucket of mystery' to clean off as the strippers do were my options. I tried both, neither of them was a long term or appealing bathing solution. For anyone who has ever had fantasy's about bathing with a group of gorgeous strippers I doubt those fantasy's bore any resemblance to the reality of such. I'm also guessing those fantasy's involved a working shower head, hot water, and no 'bucket of mystery'. The girls did seem amused that I spent as much time on my hair as they did.
Hey, sometimes a man just wants to feel pretty. Plus my Native blood seems to have ensured that male pattern baldness isn't in my future, so I might as well make the most of it.
[[The exterior decor of the bathroom at Carlito's Cafe while I was there. There was only so much good one could do with a bucket of bleach.]]
After searching for a week or so, with the occasional aide of my first contact here in town 'M' acting as translator, I finally found an apartment. A small place in a cute little building only a few blocks from Vampiz and Juarez Ave, the main drag through Nuevo Progreso. One of the main appeals of the building was the owner didn't jack the price up 300% when she realized I am American.
A problem I ran into at just about every other apartment building in town. My contact 'M' explained to the nice old lady that I was a writer who had come to Mexico because I like the country and needed a change of pace, not some day-tripping hipster with an overflowing bank account who was looking for a flop house to do drugs in. So I managed to get the 'local rate' not the 'American rate'. Finally.
[[The exterior/courtyard of my new apartment. Pleasant little place. I like it.]]
The new apartment has worked out very well. For one thing it has a bed, a table to work on, and two chairs. They came with the place, so no misunderstandings that had to be resolved in the nude while wielding an axe. That was a step up right there. Also, a shower! I still need to acquire a heated shower head, aka an 'Electric Suicide Shower head', but one thing at a time.
After selling my obnoxiously large TV to the owner of Santana's Restaurant I decided to see how my new but much smaller 22" HD TV would work for video games. Its works just fine, which unfortunately means I have my XBone hooked up again providing me with yet another pleasant distraction from work.
Divesting myself of "Franks's 2000" TV" also meant I could finally get the apartment into a much nicer condition. Which I like. Can't stand living in clutter/filth. Hell, there is even room to accommodate guests here now. I may or may not have tried that out with the bed so far, if I did such a thing I will say it was a rousing success. Though if guests who don't care to share sleeping arrangements with me and Tessa visit, A friend down the street, Roman, has an unused and very clean bed which can easily be set up in here to properly accommodate out of town visitors.
Though lets be honest, it can get cold here at night, and Tessa and I both are warm and snugly when properly motivated. Perhaps I should advertise the sleeping arrangements as 'cozy and intimate' to friends looking to visit in the future. Yes, that is a lovely way to say sharing a twin bed with a chubby Indian and a tiny cat, 'cozy and intimate'. I'm sure to get great reviews on TripAdvisor and the like...
Though lets be honest, it can get cold here at night, and Tessa and I both are warm and snugly when properly motivated. Perhaps I should advertise the sleeping arrangements as 'cozy and intimate' to friends looking to visit in the future. Yes, that is a lovely way to say sharing a twin bed with a chubby Indian and a tiny cat, 'cozy and intimate'. I'm sure to get great reviews on TripAdvisor and the like...
Overall having a proper apartment has helped me to mentally settle into my new surroundings very nicely. I get recognized on the street by several of the locals on a daily basis. Most of them seem to think of me as a harmless eccentric who has chosen, bizarrely, to live where the locals do in this peculiar little border town. More than a few have questioned my sanity, but never in an insulting or aggressive manner. Again, it pays to understand more Spanish than I let on.
The only thing about our little apartment that majorly differs from other living arrangements Tessa and I have had is that her littler box is in the bathroom next to the toilet. This isn't much of a problem as I tend to buy the industrial grade multi-cat littler which eliminates most odors (I love my cat, but have never been able to take the smell of ammonia, and modern house cats being descended from desert animals they have that highly concentrated urine with a powerful ammonia smell). As a result her littler box gets cleaned much more frequently, which she likes. So far only one time has this been an issue.
The day after I gave her an entire carne asada taco as a treat. I was sitting at the table, by the bathroom door, and she went in and did something... unholy in there. She looked embarrassed when she came out and my first thought wasn't that I needed more air fresheners but I instead should call for an old priest and a young priest.
[[The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! ...to stay away from the taco stands.]]
If any of my friends from 'The Pitt' or anyone else want to come down and experience the strangeness of Nuevo Progreso at its most strange and celebratory, let me know. Tessa and I have room to spare. With a shower and everything!
+ + +
This
post and its original content copyright James Radcliff, and has been
brought to you by Mexico, tequila, and generally poor decision making.
If you would like to donate
to support this bizarre little travelogue, feel free to do so via
Patreon or PayPal. As always, this strange and debaucherous adventure
has been
brought to your screen by viewers like you. Thank you.
Comments
Post a Comment