Dispatches from The Mayan Empire

“When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw.” - Nelson Mandela + + + Woke up feeling good despite some setbacks. All in all it wasn't a bad day yesterday except for Tessa running off in the middle of the night and no coming home after an hour or to as usual. So far she has been missing almost 20 hours, so I have been unable to administer her medication... then my right front tire went out on me (It developed a bubble the size of a tennis ball) and I had to use the last of my cat-related savings to keep Greta from becoming an expensive lawn ornament. Thats life, you win some, you get kicked in the balls with a steel toed boot. Many hours later, nearly 24, Tessa has returned. She is clearly fond of our giant yard and the local businesses nearby, Thankfully the neighborhood is fulled with generally nice folks, and her collar clearly states where she lives, That said, seeing a couple of apparent cart...

"You bravos had better be ready to fight, or we'll never get out of East Texas tonight, but the trail is long and the river is wide, and my ride's here" - Warren Zevon, My Ride's Here + + + My day tends to start around 10:30am or so most of the time. No more early mornings on the corners barking or occasionally DJ'ing for Vampiz has allowed me to set my own schedule for work (writing, which tends to be in fits and starts throughout the day unless I'm on a roll). Which is nice, since I am not a morning person. I tend to shamble out of bed like something from the 'Legend of Boggy Creek' films, swallow my morning fistful of pills (allergy meds, the price I pay for my lovely cat, vitamins, and acetaminophen with codeine to allow me to move without wincing in pain constantly). After that its typically a lovely hot shower thanks to my miracle shower head with a built in heating unit. I admit its not the safest of showers, but it is hot, with...

“This original version of Coca-Cola contained a small amount of coca extract and therefore a trace of cocaine. (It was eliminated early in the twentieth century, though other extracts derived from coca leaves remain part of the drink to this day.) Its creation was not the accidental concoction of an amateur experimenting in his garden, but the deliberate and painstaking culmination of months of work by an experienced maker of quack remedies.” - Tom Standage, A History of the World in 6 Glasses + + + Today I saw a man sell cocaine in tiny bags from a bicycle. He has been around the block you might say. I've seen him with the other street level cartel dealers, the same ones who occasionally keep me awake by blasting their music from the shit car they sit in on cold nights. Not nearly as nice as the vehicles that deliver them their products and collect the cartels cut of the money, no sir, not at all that nice. Its a shit car, with a great sound system, and if they we...

"There is a curse upon my every waking breath, and I cannot escape the darkness. It feels like every step is gonna be my last, and I cannot escape the darkness. Some have tried to lift me up, but I only dragged them down with me, for I cannot escape the darkness." - Those Poor Bastards, I Cannot Escape the Darkness + + + Caution: Pretentious melancholy writing ahead, but fuck, you should have expected that at some point. I'm a poor writer living in a country where you can get cheap booze and drugs more easily than you can get a permit to drive a car from another country. + + +  "Have you ever heard of exorcism? It's a stylized ritual in which rabbis or priests try to drive out the so-called invading spirit. It's pretty much discarded these days, except by the Catholics who keep it in the closet as a sort of embarrassment. It has worked, in fact, although not for the reason they think, of course. It was purely the force of sugge...

 "Great minds think alike. So do drunken carnies with corn dog sticks and the chance to shank you." - Frankerson Peterson + + + It truly amazes me the bizarre circles life moves in. Well, it is not really a circle, despite what the first season of 'True Detective' keeps telling me. Its more of a realistic orbital pathway, elliptical. You move away from things in a sort of arc, for better or worse, and then just as you realize life is changing you find yourself on the other side of whatever you are orbiting and heading round the long way again. So more of an eccentric orbit. [[Ah, home sweet home. Here there is only one way to do things, Carlito's Way.]] Hey, fuck you, I'm sick and even at my best I'm not Sir Isaac Newton. Orbital/gravitational mechanics were never my strong suit, I have always been much, much better at getting into the pants of girls who are excellent at orbital mechanics. There is nothing better in this world than a s...

"Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!" - Seth Gecko, From Dusk till Dawn + + + Today I had a hastily scheduled audition at a vampire-themed strip club in Mexico. It is not, so far as I can tell, the upper level of an ancient Aztec temple. Nor is it teeming with bloodthisty undead. So far it seems to be teeming with money-thirsty strippers, which is exactly what one would expect, nay, hope for in a place such as that.   [[Even vampire strippers get into the holiday spirit! The ladies are very festive.]]  The audition consisted of the owner, a takes-exactly-zero-shit-and-gives-just-as-many-fucks woman who could easily pass as Santanico Pandemonium (though she is currently pregnant with her fourth child, you simply can not tell it isn't her first) telling me to go set up in the DJ booth once she arrived. Her husband,...

"…The shocking thing about any stripper gathering, I discovered, was that you have never heard women talk so fast and so explicitly about money in all your life. They make the guys on the trading floor on Wall Street look like a bunch of pansies." - Susie Bright, Big Sex Little Death: A Memoir + + + It took me approximately four days to end up in a Mexican strip club. Keep in mind this was not at all my intention, I mean it, stop laughing. I had gone out to a local restaurant/bakery called Renee's for some of their divine pastries in anticipation of an evening figuring out how to get my car, laden with tons of shit as it is, from here to Rio Bravo and a proper bank branch. [[I confess that any poor choices made may... may have had something to do with this. The tequila, not the cat food.]] [[Seems legit.]] After leaving the bakery, with my nice leather satchel full of pastries, a gentleman accosted me offering me a free beer and a free lap da...