Dispatches from The Mayan Empire

"Tourists came around and looked into our tipis. That those were the homes we choose to live in didn`t bother them at all. They untied the door, opened the flap, and barged right in, touching our things, poking through our bedrolls, inspecting everything. It boggles my mind that tourists feel they have the god-given right to intrude everywhere." - Russell Means, Where White Men Fear to Tread: The Autobiography of Russell Means + + + I saw an old stray dog today on the corner. He was the spitting image of 'Dogmeat' from 'The Road Warrior', an Australian cattle dog. He had mismatched eyes, one was almost pure white save for the iris, that gave him the look of an unwashed, coked-out, canine David Bowie. I called to him in both English and Spanish, but all he did was spare a bit of a sideways glance as he trotted off to wherever he was heading. That dog is still more polite than most of the tourists that visit this city. At least the on...

"I believe in no God, no invisible man in the sky. But there is something more powerful than each of us, a combination of our efforts, a Great Chain of industry that unites us. But it is only when we struggle in our own interest that the chain pulls society in the right direction. The chain is too powerful and too mysterious for any government to guide. Any man who tells you different either has his hand in your pocket, or a pistol to your neck." - Andrew Ryan, Bioshock  + + + Here in Mexico, just along the US border region, you can find people from everywhere, from all walks of life, but in a city with a rough census of just over 10,000 permanent residents there is one type of person you find more than any other, and most of them have Texas license plates. Make no mistake, Nuevo Progreso is like a journey to an illicit Mecca for the 'Build the Wall', 'Git 'er Done' types of all ages. They adore the cheap dentistry, the cheaper doctors, ...

"I dropped him off at a truck stop near Chester about two nights ago, said he planned on sleeping there. He told me 'All a man needs to sleep is a bench to lie on and a cold one to nurse him to bed.' I said it might be a little dangerous alone, but he said he was carrying his butterfly knife and had just got his green belt in Tae Kwan Do." - Rob Earle, Truck driver describing Former Vice President Joe Biden hitchhiking to the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, NC (Source: The Onion) + + +  It occurs to me that several of my posts have mentioned my somewhat unorthodox living situation here in Nuevo Progresso, but there has been little in the way of detail on the day-to-day practicality of living in the remains of a very nearly abandoned taqueria. A few of you, my tens of dozens of readers have had questions about our (Tessa, my beloved feline companion on this and many other adventures, and myself) living in a situation such as it is. [[The fi...

"There is a curse upon my every waking breath, and I cannot escape the darkness. It feels like every step is gonna be my last, and I cannot escape the darkness. Some have tried to lift me up, but I only dragged them down with me, for I cannot escape the darkness." - Those Poor Bastards, I Cannot Escape the Darkness + + + Caution: Pretentious melancholy writing ahead, but fuck, you should have expected that at some point. I'm a poor writer living in a country where you can get cheap booze and drugs more easily than you can get a permit to drive a car from another country. + + +  "Have you ever heard of exorcism? It's a stylized ritual in which rabbis or priests try to drive out the so-called invading spirit. It's pretty much discarded these days, except by the Catholics who keep it in the closet as a sort of embarrassment. It has worked, in fact, although not for the reason they think, of course. It was purely the force of sugge...

 "Great minds think alike. So do drunken carnies with corn dog sticks and the chance to shank you." - Frankerson Peterson + + + It truly amazes me the bizarre circles life moves in. Well, it is not really a circle, despite what the first season of 'True Detective' keeps telling me. Its more of a realistic orbital pathway, elliptical. You move away from things in a sort of arc, for better or worse, and then just as you realize life is changing you find yourself on the other side of whatever you are orbiting and heading round the long way again. So more of an eccentric orbit. [[Ah, home sweet home. Here there is only one way to do things, Carlito's Way.]] Hey, fuck you, I'm sick and even at my best I'm not Sir Isaac Newton. Orbital/gravitational mechanics were never my strong suit, I have always been much, much better at getting into the pants of girls who are excellent at orbital mechanics. There is nothing better in this world than a s...

"Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!" - Seth Gecko, From Dusk till Dawn + + + Today I had a hastily scheduled audition at a vampire-themed strip club in Mexico. It is not, so far as I can tell, the upper level of an ancient Aztec temple. Nor is it teeming with bloodthisty undead. So far it seems to be teeming with money-thirsty strippers, which is exactly what one would expect, nay, hope for in a place such as that.   [[Even vampire strippers get into the holiday spirit! The ladies are very festive.]]  The audition consisted of the owner, a takes-exactly-zero-shit-and-gives-just-as-many-fucks woman who could easily pass as Santanico Pandemonium (though she is currently pregnant with her fourth child, you simply can not tell it isn't her first) telling me to go set up in the DJ booth once she arrived. Her husband,...

"If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross, but it's not for the timid." - Q, Star Trek: TNG (Ep: Q Who)  + + + After a little more than a week of living south of the border I can honestly say that this was indeed the right thing for me to do. While my financial situation has gone downhill much, much faster than anticipated due largely to getting fucked out of an apartment I had lined up in Quintana Roo and the seemingly endless frustrations of the bureaucracy of the Mexican immigration system. The language barrier has honestly been the least of my troubles. Its not that this is my first experience being on the razors edge of success and profound failure. [[If only I were an entire mariachi band, I'd be living like, well, a mariachi band.]] That being said I would not trade this particu...